Dude, this caramel smells like weed.

Hey internet, is Nik and Line.

GOOD NEWS: Line found a fuckload of left-over candy tucked away in random corners of her room from when her mom sent her this gigantic box of Hallowe'en shit.

EVEN BETTER NEWS: This candy includes black licorice. OM NOM FUCKING NOM.

BAD NEWS: Line isn't getting a ride to her weekend destination.

EVEN SHITTIER BUT FUNNY NEWS: Now she has to bus-hop all the way there. Fuck her life.

Line just asked me how to spell 'minstrel'. She's signing a birthday card. Now THIS I've gotta read.
-Nik

Well... long story short. Never send singing minstrels to people who hold grudges. Yep. I've learned my lesson. And I'm not "bus-hopping" per-say... just... Taking a bus. To another bus. To DBC. Then hoping I'll get a ride... yep. I really hate black licorice.... CANDY CORN... is another subject. Om nom nom.
-Line

Line, if you EVER send me a singing minstrel, I will shit bricks. Or, just beat your ass in with a pillow again. All depends. So, I have just discovered that if you eat both black licorice AND candy corn in rapid succession, it tastes REALLY GOOD. Unlike the BH clam chowder today. Ugh. Word of Advice: Never eat something that has "chow" in the name.
Oops. I totally just ruined thousands of asian men's sex lives. LOL.
-Nik

Aw shit Nik. Now why'd you go and do that. So... a little information for ya. Spring water tastes like shit. And I had this HUGE ASS bottle of spring water. Now it tastes good. Ya know why? Iced fucking tea is why. "Does that say Ivy club?" "Yeah." "I thought it said Luv Balls."
Dear readers. Nik needs new glasses.
-Line

In my defense, it was in the corner of a poster of a very androgynous Asian man.
Then again, I shouldn't really talk, I have a David Bowie fetish.

So Line's got this little terra cotta thing that apparently you hang this random shit on it and it makes all your dreams come true. So naturally, I go...

"What if you have a fucking nightmare?!"
-Nik

It's specific dreams Nik. It's like... Asian. It says something in... some Asian language. Should ask AW. Anyway. So. School photos. I learned that my head looks better against light background than dark ones.
So new best thing ever. Sweeney Todd. Spoken word. Look out. It's coming. Also, Nik and I found a place downtown that's called Sweeny Todd's. We want to take a field trip there. If we don't come back... watch your meat pies.
-Line

That Sweeny Todd's was actually a barbershop. I was like holy crap.
GUESS WHAT.
I HAVE BEEN ASKED TO GRAD.
AND I AM NOT EVEN GRADUATING.
WIN.

And, on the subject of win,
ALL RISE, HONOURABLE JN PRESIDING.

Well hello there my lovely children. Dr. Ruth here for my biweekly blurb... the most coherent thing you will read in the blog. So my topic for today? Not having premarital sex. My saying on this is simple... you have to test drive the car before you buy it.... and why try just one? You need to know what you like before you settle for ever. That is why I don't understand people who wait till after they get married for sex. I'm going to be frank, sex hurts at first, SO WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO RUIN YOUR WEDDING NIGHT?!?!?! I know the "religious" things... but seriously do you want to still listen to the crazy freaks who thought Mary "immaculately concepted" Jesus. Sorry religious people, but if immaculate conception exists then I'm terrified!
Please do SY Dr. Ruth a favour and next time you're close to having sex and that stupid thought "what would Jesus do" pops into your head... throw your purity ring across the room and enjoy! Sex is too good to wait for. (but please don't be irresponsible... condoms are very important, or at the very least birth control.)

Well thank you for that wonderful addition. You're probably right about it being the only sane part to this blog. And that says a fucking lot. Bounce, squiggle. Bounce, squiggle. How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed? (suspense suspense suspense because you know you won't get it because we're too awesome and suspenseful.) You wake up wet! LOL!
-Line

LOL, um, okay. So, not only am I not doing anything productive during prep, I am in someone else's room. SCANDALOUS!
OH MY GOD. BEST IDEA EVER.
LABYRINTH.SOUNDTRACK.REMIX.
OH YES.
-Nik

So I've decided to make a list of all the shitty movies that Will Ferrell has been in.
1. Blades of Glory
2. Elf
3. Land of The Lost (so shitty it became somehow fucking good... plus Leonard Nimoy)
4. Stepbrothers
5. Anchorman
6. Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
7. Semi-Pro
8. Stranger Than Fiction.
So that's a lot of shitty movies. And that's only the one's we've seen.
-Line

Okay, I don't want to make it sound like I like WIll Ferrell movies at all, but I liked step-brothers. and The Cher reference and Danny McBride's redneckery made my life.

ALRIGHT.

ON A CLOSING NOTE...

don't yell "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" at teachers, they don't like it very much.
-Nikandline